Insights From a Superhero's Mom

“Keep pushing, keep pushing!  It’s almost out.  Stop screaming now and calm down…one more big breath and breathe out through your nose…push it out!  You can do this!”

I am not going through labor again (thank goodness).  I just spent the last thirty minutes trying to help my son push a pomegranate seed out of his nose.  I know my four-year-old knows what I mean now when I say, “Don’t stick that in your nose!”  Yet it still was a hard lesson to learn, just like all the other things Mama told them not to do.

Mama Said, “Don’t show your privates in public!”

Now my kids know it’s not appropriate to show their privates in public.  Mama’s told them many times.  Yet, there was that one time that my now-ten-year old (then five-year-old) thought the mole on his private would get bigger and bigger and migrate to his face and eventually look like the mole on his dad’s face.  With that horror in mind, he nervously went to school where he showed his mole (on his private, let me remind you again) to his friends, hoping that they could help him get rid of the mole.  Of course, Mama got the call from the principal.

Mama said, “Don’t wait until we’re on the road to use the bathroom.  Go now!”

This is my worst pet peeve.  My daughter was the Roadside Bathroom Queen.  She never had to use the bathroom when we were at home, at a gas station, or at a rest area, but about ten minutes later, she would rock back and forth in her seat, beg to use the bathroom, and chant, “control, control, control,” to prevent herself from going in her pants.  We would always have to pull alongside the road so that she could do her business first.

Mama said, “Snakes are not pets!”

My boys love critters (as all boys do), they want to keep every insect, bug, or furry little animal that they can catch as a pet.  Some things, I’ll allow them to keep like crickets or tadpoles, but I know they know better when it comes to bigger, wilder animals.  Nevertheless, they tried to sneak a baby snake as a pet once, thinking it was the coolest thing they had ever caught.  The trouble was, they knew I would find it in the house, so they decided to keep it outside, in a big, old jar, but in the middle of a field.  By the time I found the jar, the poor snake had been baked to a crisp by the sun.  Of course, none of them admitted to putting the snake in the jar.

Mama said, “Don’t forget to flush the toilet!”

It seems that all my top pet peeves have to do with the bathroom or toilet, as this ranks number one among things that annoy me.  My kids love using the toilet and putting the toilet lid down (completely) after going.  We of course assume (since we’ve taught them many times over) that they have flushed the toilet.  Sometimes, we can’t even smell what’s in there until we lift up the lid and see the surprise inside.

Mama said, “Don’t hit, push, or play rough!  It hurts!”

My boys are really not very physical with other kids, only with each other.  They also don’t intentionally hit each other, but they do love to play rough.  And no matter how many times we tell them over and over again that they’ll get hurt, they still do it.  They have recently picked up on a game where the biggest will crawl on the ground, another boy will climb on him, and another boy will climb on top of that one.  All is fun as the biggest boy tries to carry the other ones, but when they all fall off, they start blaming each other and crying.

Sometimes, I feel like tearing my hair out.  Other times, I feel sorry for them, and sometimes, I just have to laugh.  It’s all part of parenting.