At just a little under five feet tall, I admit that I am vertically challenged. As a child, I was never the first, second, third, fourth, or even the fifth one picked for games such as basketball that require long, lanky legs and lengthy, elongated arms. In fact, I always watched as the crowds of kids slowly dwindled away onto opposing teams, until I was the last one left to face the grumblings from the team that finally acquired me. However, my littleness always allowed me to play a lethal game of limbo, and I was always fast and furious at flag football which allowed me to get back at the cranky kids who griped about me being on their team. Yet when I married and finally became a parent, I longed for kids with long-limbed legs and lengthy arms who wouldn’t have to endure the mockeries that I received as a child.
Unfortunately, with a five feet four inch tall husband, height just wasn’t in our gene pool. No matter how carefully I planned and measured each meal or how many bad tasting, vitamin-fortified concoctions I drank during each pregnancy, we still ended up with lethal limbo players instead of tall, lanky basketball players. Of course, my babies were always the cutest in the nurseries with their petite little bodies and tiny, whimpering cries, and, I must confess, I was a little relieved that they weren’t too big for me to hold, cuddle, and carry around without assistance. However, I knew that someday someone would make them the butt of laughters because of their size.
That day came when Autumn was in third grade. She had many friends and was well-liked. She had grown up with many of the children, and not once had any of them ever chastised her about her height or looks. However, it is amazing how one child can change the make-up of a group of seemingly normal friends. “Short stuff!” she would call Autumn as she tried to convince the rest of the group not to play with my daughter. I listened almost daily as my daughter poured her heart out each time I came home from work. At first I tried to just comfort her and give her advice as somehow some probably never-bullied before researcher claimed that the more adults became involved, the worse the bully made it for the victimized child. Back then, being a young mom (and having parents who were first time immigrants that didn’t know how to deal with these types of situations), I swallowed every bull-crap researched advice available instead of listening to my gut feelings.
Finally, I received the call from the principal one day. Autumn had bitten her bully and was sitting in the principal’s office. Katie, the principal, who was also a colleague of mine, was trying to decide whether she should suspend Autumn. I rushed through traffic from the school that I principaled at to Autumn’s school. The ride seemed like hours even though her school was only ten minutes away. As I walked into the principal’s office, Autumn looked up at me with her big, brown, frightened eyes which were also puffy and red from crying. Deep down, I was livid that my poor little girl, the true victim in all of this, was in the principal’s office facing suspension while the little bitch who had picked on her from the start of the school year was out there, walking away free with no noose around her neck. The calm, reasonable educator in me disappeared as the superhero mom in me raged and began to gain the strength needed to protect my child. I tried to keep my cool though as I finally confessed everything to Katie, telling her how Autumn had tried every trick in the book to work things out with Nelly, her bully. When that didn’t work, she tried to avoid Nelly. She even tried to make new friends just to be away from Nelly’s group of taunting little girls. By this time, I was so furious that I thought I would have a nervous break-down. Luckily, Katie was also a mom herself, and understood exactly what I meant. She encouraged Autumn and I to speak with the school guidance counselor who later worked with Autumn, Nelly, and a group of other girls to help prevent the bullying from continuing.
By the end of the school year, Autumn and Nelly had not become best friends; however, they had learned to respect one another, and the bullying had stopped. When my son, Kalel, went to fourth grade and encountered his bullies, I no longer sat quietly in the shadows, whispering words of encouragement and giving him strategies to avoid his bullies. Instead, I went straight to the principal and guidance counselor and demanded that something be done. Within two weeks, the bullying had stopped. We cannot sit still and wait for our children to find their own ways of dealing with bullies — ways that may most likely end in someone getting hurt. Schools claiming that children need to find their own solutions to bullying are in for disasters like Columbine and the Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover case in May of 2009 where the 11 year old victim hung himself. Instead, we must work collaboratively with other adults and together, as a community, we must help our children build bonds of respect for one another. We must give a clear message that bullying is unacceptable no matter what age and what type.
Well said! I agree.
Hi – love your blog – very entertaining reading and I can’t wait to read more. If you have time please drop by mine:)
My son went through a very bad patch with 2 bullies and within a couple of days of them starting a horrible rumor the whole school had heard it and the school principle was unable to stop it. It was just horrible. We had to move our son to another school and seek counseling. He has since come to terms with what happened but not fully recovered. Bullying is a crime as far as I am concerned.
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I love the name Autumn – so pretty. And how fun is limbo! I haven’t played that in a while.
Happy holidays.
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I’m right there with you. Glad it all worked out well for you. Some kids aren’t so lucky because some schools take the side of the bully (who could even be a teacher!), not the victim.
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I completely agree, Blia! Bullying is never okay and kids NEED guidance to learn how to use their virtues and not their animal insticts. I think it is great that you have gotten so involved with bullying incidents at your kids’ school. So many parents believe that you need to let kids work things out. But that is truly a recipe for disaster when bullying is involved. Thanks for the awesome post! You are my hero, too.
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT! As a mother, I would of done the same thing. It is so hurtful to see your little ones come home so upset. I would of just balled with her. It is hard enough alone to let your kids ventour out alone and then some little kid has to ruin it. You did well, pat yourself on the back. Good for you.
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If it helps, the tall kids get bullied and picked on, too. ESPECIALLY if you’re tall and completely nonathletic.
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I was bullied when I was growing up for being tall. Luckily, height doesn’t seem to be an issue in our town. My daughter is very tall and one her friends is very petite. They celebrate their differences and have fun with it and both enjoy their heights. I am sorry that Autumn had to go through that. I know how painful it can be. You are fortunate that the guidance counselor was able to take care of it. I don’t think our school is as well equipped.
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Wow this is one of my biggest fears You handled it great mom. I’m sure I would have tried everything too. Some kids are just plain mean and ugly and really don’t know how to be nice. I’m glad the bulling stopped I can only imagine how Autumn and you felt. I fear my children getting bullied for their color or race. I always tell my husband I cannot just act like it won’t happen I have seen it too many times and now this will be because we fell in love 2 different cultures united. That is why Im trying to raise my children strong and proud.
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Hi Blia! I am vertically challeneged as well and this weekend Sophia came running to me crying because someone told her she was too short to be 3! Good for you getting help and making it stop. You rock! I am now following your great blog!
Oh, thanks so much for stopping by my blog! I love new friends!
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Blia, You handled the situation very well.
A friend’s daughter was being bullied for being TOO tall! The school didn’t handle the situation well and it was a huge mess.
Your post will certainly help other moms.Great job!
Blia, you have taught your her well. It’s not easy to become a parent.
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I was bullied because I was too dark when I was a kid, and I was an “ugly” child. It sank on me for years until adulthood. My parents bolstered my confidence through encouraging me to concentrate on my studies instead. They were supportive and gave me a lot of praises on areas I excel. But the bullies did not completely fade.
You handled it very good. I’m not a parent but I think you did a pretty good job.
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I commend you on this post!!! I was a victim of bullies for many years in school and there is no undoing the damage that it did. It is one of my worst fears for my son, I pray he never has to deal with what I had to go through! But the best thing I can do is exactly what you are doing – I’m going to let him know that I am there for him and will help him by going to the principal, other parents, etc. – whatever we can do together to nip it in the bud! I had to fend for myself as a child because adults around me thought I just had to deal with it. No way, that behavior isn’t acceptable when we’re adults so it shouldn’t be for children, either. So good for you! (And, by the way, I am short, too. Five foot two-and-a-half, LOL) Thanks for your comment on my post last week, happy belated Christmas to you as well!
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I’m so worried that my son will be bullied because he has autism. It really confuses me why kids are so mean to each other.
You did awesome!
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I love this post. It really shows that no matter what our size, we just have to find what we’re good at!
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I’m new to being a parent. My sister passed away a 3 months back and considering my nephew does not know his real father, he wanted to move in with me. It was not hard to say, yes. He is blood and I love the kid. I’m in search of every piece of information I can locate on the web about raising a child because I want to be the best uncle a kid can have so, thank you for the blog post and now I must move on to the next one.